ponderings of a cynical romantic.

In the past handful of weeks, I’ve been working. At a real job. I’m not sure if I can say it’s rewarding, but it’s definitely been lots of fun.

Showing up to work, learning new things, having something stable in my life - it’s all been good. I’ve really been enjoying it. Sure doesn’t hurt to have a steady paycheck every month. And the people? Are simply wonderful. I do what I know, what I can, and people offer to help if I get stuck. So why am I scared that it’ll be another thing I’ll fail at again?

Back in the days of school, I was constantly scared that I would fail.

“They focus on things they can’t fail on, and ignore the other important things. They start to blame other things (like the school system). They procrastinate. They refuse to face new problems because they know they will not be able to handle them, and this does not fit into their worldview that they are invincible.”

And as a result, I chose not to face those problems that I think I would struggle at. And at this job, I’ve been (thankfully) allowed to admit that I don’t know anything about this industry, and have asked for help every step of the way. It has helped immensely just to admit that I’m not all powerful, and that I can, and will fail.

I’m dearly hoping, crossing my fingers, that I’ll be able to survive with this job. That my love of the company, my love of the industry, my love of the environment I work in will prevail over my fear of failing.

Life is good.